AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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