Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
