It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
