M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
