My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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