Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
