theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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