Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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