My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
