SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
