I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
