WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
