So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
