If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
