I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
