I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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