so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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