4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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