You're earring is so big in my mouth
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
