if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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