I just made out with a guy for $7.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
