Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
