my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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