It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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