If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
