This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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