I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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