He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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