He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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