im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
