i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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