Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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