I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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