I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
