she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
