now i know why i became what i already was.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
