Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
