id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
