fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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