I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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