we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
