If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
