You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
