my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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