Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize