In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize