so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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