He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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