It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
