I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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