She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
