you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
