my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
