Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
