How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
