she looked like the before picture.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
