i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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