He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
