chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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