the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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