thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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