Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
