i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
