Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
