You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
