Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The Olympian is in my bed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
