it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
