Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize