i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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