i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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