Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
