If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
