dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
