her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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