in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
