worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
