you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
