no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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