The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
