I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
