Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
