I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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