I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So squirting runs in the family.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
