I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
