So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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