It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
