i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
