He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
